journaling… therapist wants me to journal before she sees me. im not complaining. never been good about keeping one of these. that was a kenji thing. i remember him early mornings at the beach just writing. he always had one on him. i never even dared to get near it. i didnt want to honestly.
but me. ok. journal.
i fucked up. again.
I dont know how to fix this. I need to fix this. I wasnt running from her. I ran from them but not this time. I need them. I need Kenji. Hed know how to fix this. hed know why i did it.
fuck
whyd i do it.
i dont know if i even find therapy helpful. i dont think ill tell the therapist why i did it.
Im scared.
Im scared that i know but i need kenji to tell me if im right but he wont speak to me. he wont look at me. i thought hed come to the airport. no.. why would he.
hes gotta know it was the only way. i just got lost. it wasn’t supposed to be this long. Its almost like i need him to help me explain that to him. but i need him. i just need my big brother right now.
oh… and therapy. and a place to live.
I thought Jasper would understand. I thought he was my brother. I guess things are still complicated. I think I’ve known that for a while.
What am i supposed to read this at therapy. Whats the point of this?
